Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
