so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
