we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You may now shotgun with the bride
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
