idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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