We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
