don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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