Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
