You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
