I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
