I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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