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The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize