As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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