he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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