i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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