So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
