I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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