I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
