I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
