oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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