Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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