remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
