Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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