I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
