Umm I'm too high to move.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
