# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
