I hope mine doesn't look like that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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