hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
