idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
