I think my fart just growled at me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
