remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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