Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
