Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
