FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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