Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize