My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
