some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
