I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
