I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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