the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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