yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
