Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my shit smells like andre
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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