I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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