I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
