You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
