this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
