please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
