If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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