How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
