Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize