capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
