i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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