Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
