I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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