He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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