Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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