I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
