I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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