I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
