that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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