Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
