THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
