maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
