she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
