i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
