Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
