I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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