i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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