i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
