everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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