I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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