Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
