1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize