Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
