Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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