He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
