So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
