I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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