while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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