How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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