my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
