He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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