Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize