can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize