Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
