lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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