therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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