I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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