You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
