if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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