I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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