Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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