I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
