My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize