Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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