Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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