i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
handjob tips. give me some.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
