i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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