You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
