Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
