There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
