Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
