Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
