dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
