He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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