Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
