i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am full of burrito and curiosity
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
