Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize