I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
