Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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