someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
