like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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