so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
