Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
