I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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