Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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