You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
tell me about the eggs
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