3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
