you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
