My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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