in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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